I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
