I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
