Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
