yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
