There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
