We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
