Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
