I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
