My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
