Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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