I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
