i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
