Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Randomize
