We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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