If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
