I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
