im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
