Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
