Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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