me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and she was petting her beer can
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
