VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
