Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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