Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Houston, we have a squirter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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