So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Randomize
