living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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