Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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