bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
