is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
