there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
