WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
