you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
