I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
