Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
