omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
