I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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