uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
