What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
