they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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