Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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