he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
