he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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