I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
