New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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