3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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