i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
