when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
