I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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