Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
