found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
