You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
