How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
