There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
